I'm mysterious in a transparent way. I'm like an enigma wrapped in a conundrum wrapped in Saran Wrap.

A new survey reveals that pot smoking is up in the U.S. Disturbing news. That's precisely the reason we need to make surveys illegal.

Serious...for a moment

Those of you who know me also know that I am seldom serious. But today, for just a moment, I would like to seriously say thank you.

I want to say thanks to my lifelong and FB Friends Ron Robbins and Brad Connerley who served their country bravely and selflessly. Being neither brave nor selfless myself, I find it uplifting to be associated with such good men.

I want to remember my High School friend Darryl Clodfelter. A lanky, geeky fellow much like me, who was the gentlest of souls and who lost his life in Vietnam. I still think of him often.

To my brothers and sister who all served, you were (and are) inspiring. My brother, Bud, was in a Korean POW camp and survived that ordeal. He passed away a few years ago with me never fully understanding the strength and resolve that powers such a strong person. My sister, Delores, who is also gone, was a Marine. My brother Rod, who recently passed away, was an Air Force vet and possessed the incredible determination to stubbornly battle his off his health robbing maladies to the very end.

My two other brothers JIm and Clarence (thankfully still here) are also veterans of the Air Force. They are charming souls who light up a room with their mere presence.

My good fortune in life is to have been surrounded by the types of people that others only get to read about. And so I take this moment to remember and honor those people who shaped me, influenced me, and protected us all. Thanks for all you gave and for what you continue to give.

Rule #1 at the psychologist's office. Before blurting out "inbred goons", make sure it's a Rorschach test and not the doc's family photo

The government is preparing to shut down. This morning they ordered 100 cardboard "Closed" signs that cost $19,000 a piece.

I'm gullible and naive but I wasn't born yesterday. But if you tell me I was, I'll believe you.

At birth, my parents were just grateful I had all of my fingers and toes. As time went on, they began to expect more from me.

We sprang forward an hour last night and we'll fall back an hour in November. Sorry, H.G. Wells, but time travel is not that exciting.

I have recorded every episode of the show "Hoarders" on my Beta Max. I can't wait to excavate them some day.

Daylight savings...most of us will lose an hour this weekend. As usual, Charlie Sheen will lose 22 hours.

Wife and I playing poker with friends tonight. Expect a financial windfall that justifies our not saving for retirement.

Indiana becomes "Right to Not Save State." Now, no one can be forced to join a credit union.

CBS renewed "How I Met your Mother." Martin Sheen is considering a similar show about Charlie called, "Why did I Meet Your Mother?"

Time to dip into the strategic reserves--the can of lawnmower gas stored in my shed.

I don't know the pros and cons of medical marijuana. I just want a couple of joints that don't ache when it rains.

Karate and Coke and Judo and orange juice are two of my favorite mixed martial arts.

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players." So that's not a stalker following you. It's your understudy.

I have jokes older than Justin Bieber. To prove it, I used that same line 18 years ago but with a Macauley Culkin reference.

Gas is $9.67 a gallon in Britain this week. Our forefathers saw that coming. Good call on quitting the empire.

I'm going to become an Elevatorist. That's a person who exerts influence on politicians before they get to the lobby.

I can't decide if I am lazy or disorganized. Well, I could decide, but deciding takes way too much energy.

"It's the weekend. Time to party like a former sitcom star."...Charlie Sheen

Gaddafi is reportedly offering protestors concessions. Uh, I think it's a little late for popcorn, and Mr. Pibb, Mo.

UPI reports-"The U.S. Marine Corps will shrink about 13 percent." Thus the new slogan, "We're still looking for a few petite men."

Quackery? That would be when your doctor recommends an appendix transplant.

Smart legislators flee to warm states.